Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He better not be in your backpack
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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