maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
