dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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