I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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