I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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