nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
