It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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