I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
