Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
