i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
