I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
