i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
