I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
