I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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