He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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