the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
