her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize