im drinking this country out of the recession.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
