Already got asked if we're dating
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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