walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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