There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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