He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
