you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
