So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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