What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
