well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
