sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just crazy horny about you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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