make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
