I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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