Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
