Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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