member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize