I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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