There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
