i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
