there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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