Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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