I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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