You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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