Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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