I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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