Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
