i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
