just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
