honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
