I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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