He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
