my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
