he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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