I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
