Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
