Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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