Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think my moral compass just broke
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
