i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
