Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize