ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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