I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
