yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
