idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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