are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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