The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
