i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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