Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
