what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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