Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
