Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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