You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
