I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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