Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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