i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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