Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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