Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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