Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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