Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
