im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
