Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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