We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
