I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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