Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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